I am generally aware that we are all different and that we are going to take different paths in life. But I noticed that last year, I kept comparing whatever I have achieved as of late (if there are some achievements to speak of) to what others have. I saw how some of my peers are technically more successful than I am, earning more money and buying all sorts of things for themselves. Some of them have gone to more places than I have, and it’s kind of embarrassing since I have decided to pursue a lifestyle that is all about travel.
I kept looking at where other people are and then I feel sorry for myself as soon as I look at whatever status in life I’m in right now. This constant comparison to others has lead me to little bouts of sadness (leading to depression).
Thankfully, I reached a point wherein I grew tired of feeling sorry for myself, of thinking of myself as a lesser individual compared to my other peers who are probably well on their way to the top of the corporate ladder (or whatever ladder they’re climbing on).
I then realized that my definition of success does not have to be similar to theirs. My success should be defined by my own terms, not by what someone else or society thinks it should be. My success should be something that will lead to my own happiness and contentment. And I have figured out what I need to do to reach it.
So in 2013, I will stop comparing myself to others. I will climb my own ladder of success, and it’s okay if it’s a bit different from my peers’. And whatever this level of success is, it is not of lesser value compared to others.
If you add up all the hours I spend in front of my laptop scrolling down my Facebook news feed or Twitter timeline, and randomly clicking links to whatever websites that will ultimately fill up my browser with so many tabs, you probably will shake your head in shame and judge me. I actually enjoy reading both useless and useful information online that I don’t mind spending hours just doing so.
However, last year I kept doing this often, that it ate up time that I had initially allotted to more important things like writing or finishing freelance tasks. This would then lead me to stay up late, get a few hours of sleep, get fat and sick, etc. etc.
So next year, I will make better use of time, which will come in handy with the many projects I have lined up. I am planning to do things next year, both on my own and with my dear friends, and procrastinating too much will get me nowhere.
I’m making next year the year I actually start doing and accomplishing things, and leaving behind too much idle time will be a great start.
I am not going into detail as to why someone who puts a high regard on her friendships, will choose to leave behind one this year. There are only handful of people who know why, though. And I do have my reasons.
I am leaving this friendship behind because it is not a friendship anymore. It is as simple as that.
This certain person hurt me in a way I never thought anyone would. What this person did or did not do is something that I believe a true friend, is not capable of doing. This may sound idealistic or whatever, but I have certain beliefs that are pretty rock-solid – shaky sometimes, but still solid.
The way this person acted (or did not act), the way I was treated showed me that this person frankly does not give a shit. It’s been months and not a word was spoken, not even an acknowledgement of certain things.
To think I even considered this person as one of my closest, if not among my few best friends. Not anymore, I suppose.
So to you, this person, I say goodbye. It was a great almost-decade of friendship. And I thank you for that. I wish you nothing but happiness. It looks like you have become the poster person for that.
(Side note: I wonder if you’ll start caring, this person, once you come across this post. Probably not.)
One major source of disappointment last year for me was failed expectations. This occurred in many aspects in my life: friendship, work, even love (or something like it). Last year, I had high hopes for many people and things, some realistic, some not. And when these were not met, I was frustrated, almost devastated.
So for next year, I will stop expecting.
I will stop expecting my friends, to treat me the way I treat them, to value me as high as I value them. If you know me, you will know how much importance I place on my friendships. I put them on a pedestal that when I feel like I’m being taken for granted, I take it really hard. I will not stop putting a high value on my friendships though, but I will stop thinking that they will do the same as well. I will not expect them to go out of their way to meet me, or to do things for me or probably to value me as I do them. However they treat me, their friend, is entirely up to them. I will just have to trust them, especially the true ones.
There were also a lot of major changes that happened at work, both at the full-time and the freelance, most of them things I never thought would happen or I would experience this early in my “career”. These have made me realize how unstable some seemingly stable companies can be, even more so in the freelance world. With this realization comes the conscious effort to prepare myself for anything that might happen – another lay-off and losing clients/projects. One can never be fully prepared for these things, but at least an awareness that these things can happen can help.
So for 2013, I will try and avoid setting expectations. I will stop counting my chickens before the eggs hatch. More expectations = disappointment.
Hello there. I used to keep a personal WordPress blog, but after posting countless dramatic entries I decided to keep it private and basically shut it off permanently. I won’t be deleting it for sentimental purposes, though.
So anyway, as the name of the blog suggests, I will be writing (hopefully) short posts on things I will be leaving behind in 2012, in time for the New Year. The past year has been one of many ups and downs, and it seems like there were more of the latter. That year, like what a dear friend also said, was that of many realizations, of moments of enlightenment that I hope will help me to make better decisions and have a better year than the last.
Happiness after all, is our own doing, our own choice. 🙂
P.S. I know my URL has no trace of creativity whatsoever. Haha. I initially made this WordPress account for Gravatar purposes over at my travel blog, then decided to make use of this space. 🙂